Your Parenting Plan: Custody Options to Consider
- Move Forward Strategically
- Legal
- Family
If you have children, you and your ex will need to finalize a custody agreement in addition to your divorce settlement.
In years past, it was common for mothers, by default, to retain primary custody of the children. This is rarely the case anymore, and modern-day custody schedules have evolved to reflect this.
A lot of factors determine the best custody schedule for you and your family, but the most important one is and will always be your child or children’s best interests. Which means that schedule may change over time, as they get older and their needs and interests shift and expand.
For now, however, it's best to get something in place, to avoid unnecessary friction and to provide your children with clarity and stability. The following schedules are among the more common ones I see with my clients; however, you and your ex-spouse are free to define whatever custody schedule works for you.
The goal is to craft a parenting plan that is as flexible or as rigid as you need. While one couple may have a good co-parenting relationship that allows for changes and adjustments, another couple may need a specific and defined plan that both parents follow to the letter. There is no right or wrong schedule. The best schedule is the one that works.
Shared-custody schedules
Shared custody means each parent has the children at least 40 percent of the time. Here are the most common ones.
2-2-5-5
What is it? | A 50-50 schedule whereby kids spend two days with one parent, then two days with the other, then five days with each parent to complete a two-week cycle. This results in children alternating weekends with each parent. |
Characteristics | Allows for consistency for children, who always know which two days they are with a specific parent. Offers longer stretches between transitions between homes. Parents (and kids) get both fun time (weekends) and scheduled time (weekdays) with each parent. |
Best for… | Children under 10 who tend to thrive with more frequent exchanges. Parents who reside close to one another. Parents who prefer to limit interaction to pickups and drop-offs, which are generally scheduled around school hours. |
2-2-3-3
What is it? | Similar to the 2-2-5-5 schedule, but instead of five days, the longest stretch with a single parent is three days. This plan results in alternating weekends, but the weekday parenting time will change weekly. |
Characteristics | Offers shorter stretches between home transitions, which can be challenging for children who prefer less shuffling. Parents (and kids) get both fun time (weekends) and scheduled time (weekdays) with each parent. |
Best for… | Young children who need to see both parents more frequently. Parents who reside close to one another, as pickups and dropoffs will often happen around school hours. |
Week on/week off
What is it? | Parents alternate weeks with the children. |
Characteristics | Exchanges can take place on the day that works best for everyone. Some co-parents will also layer in an additional midweek visit to offset the longer stretches between homes. |
Best for… | Older children, generally speaking. Children who respond better to having extended periods with each parent. |
Every two weeks
What is it? | Parents alternate every two weeks with the children. |
Characteristics | Exchanges can take place on the day that works best for everyone. Some co-parents will also layer in an additional visit to offset the longer stretches between homes. |
Best for… | Teenagers, generally, as they may have busier schedules and prefer to stay in one spot longer rather than disrupt their schedules. |
Primary-custody schedules
Though not the norm these days, a primary-custody arrangement does still happen. Here are some sample schedules to look at when determining your custody arrangement.
Alternating weekends
What is it? | The non-primary caregiver (access parent) has the children every other weekend. The primary parent has the children the rest of the time. |
Characteristics | Weekend visits are generally Friday evening to Monday morning; however, this is flexible. Some co-parents will also layer in additional visits to offset the longer stretches between homes. |
Best for… | Parents who live farther away from each other. |
Daytime only
What is it? | The non-primary caregiver (access parent) has the child for daytime visits only; no overnights. |
Characteristics | Visit length and frequency is flexible to the child’s needs and co-parents’ schedules. Generally, infants need frequent contact with both parents, so the more the better. |
Best for… | Infants, especially those who are breastfeeding. Transitioning the child into spending more time with the access parent. |
Holiday and vacation schedules
When negotiating a custody agreement, be sure to also consider things like holidays and vacations. These special cases tend to fall outside the day-to-day guidelines, and should be discussed in order to avoid conflict.
Pro tip: Start the conversation about holidays early so you don’t find yourself fighting close to what is supposed to be a festive time. My office gets bombarded with calls from feuding parents the week leading up to the holiday. At that point, there isn’t anything that can be done. Courts can’t accommodate last-minute filings arguing about holiday or vacation time. |
Here are a few possible options:
- Alternating holidays (one parent gets odd years, the other gets even)
- Same-year alternating holidays (e.g., one parent has Christmas Eve, the other has Christmas Day and so on)
With respect to vacations, consider setting allowances (e.g., 10 days per year) or agreeing upon certain dates.
Like with anything concerning children, custody can be a hot-button issue. It’s best to consider the best interests of the children and go from there.
Not ready to join? Get expert tips and insights delivered weekly.
As Seen In
