High-Conflict Support: When Your Ex Has A Personality Disorder: How To Cope

High-conflict divorces often involve spouses with a personality disorder. They may be more comfortable in conflict, driven by the need to be right, and, when emotionally hurt, may want to inflict pain on others rather than face their own discomfort. These traits can make collaboration and agreement between divorced spouses nearly impossible.

As a clinical psychologist, I’ve worked with many patients who meet the criteria for personality disorders, as well as many spouses whose partners qualify. The following are the most common personality disorders associated with high-conflict divorces. I’ll explain what they are and how they develop, then provide you with strategies for engaging with individuals who exhibit these traits.

1. Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

We hear the most about this one, as it’s often discussed on social media. It's important to note that people may have traits of this disorder, but without a proper diagnosis, we can’t assume that someone has NPD.

What it is: Individuals with NPD have an inflated sense of their own importance and a lack of empathy for others. They crave excessive admiration and are highly sensitive to criticism or perceived slights. They have a hard time being vulnerable with others, and they prioritize...